Sunday, October 21, 2012

So I won't forget...

This is me in my al natural glory, no make up, gray roots and all. I 'm not a fan of close ups of myself and I could critique this picture 'til the cows come fact I already have. It's certainly not the best picture of myself but this was a great day and I didn't want to forget anything about it so I allowed it to be taken. This is what ocean wind and salt water looks like on me. This is what I looked like when I was 36 years and 10 months old while I was living in my beloved Boston going through one of the hardest times in my life. My eyes don't quite have the spark they had a year before, instead they look a little dull and tired. Behind the dullness they carry the wisdom that only comes from being stretched, heartbroken and tried beyond my strength. What surprises me most about this picture is that I see peace behind those dull eyes. A quiet peace that has always been there, even when I didn't realize it was there. When this picture was taken I was going through one of my hardest weeks ever. It felt like I was slipping and I couldn't catch myself. Yet, in this picture I remember that underneath it all there was faith, there was trust, there was peace. There were just moments and days that I let myself forget. I don't want to forget again so I am posting this...

One of the things that got me through this difficult time was receiving a priesthood blessing from Aric. I'm at a loss for my own words when it comes to describing what that blessing did for me. The lyrics of one of my favorite "Sunday Songs" (Power of Heaven) expresses my feelings better than I could write them...

When I’m reaching for an answer, when I’m aching for relief. 
When I’m searching for direction, that my eyes no longer see.

I can call upon a power, born by heaven’s worthy sons. Servants of a gentle master reassure me of His love.

Power of heaven, Mercy’s answer, precious gift. Power of heaven, like the rushing of the wind. 

Whispering solace to my spirit. 
Heaven reaches through my pain. 

In my searching heart I hear it, heaven speaks to me by name. 

When the windows of his promises are open to my view,
 Precious words of revelation, like the sun come pouring through.

Power of Heaven. Breathe in me.

For a moment, heaven lingers, 
And the veil is drawn away. 

I’m reminded of the blessings that will flow if I obey. 
He has calmed my troubled spirit. Living peace has been restored.

May I always find my comfort in the power of the Lord. I will always seek my comfort in the power of the Lord.

Power of heaven, Mercy’s answer, precious gift. Power of heaven, like the rushing of the wind. 

Power of Heaven, Mercy’s answer precious gift. Power of Heaven.


Nurse Graham said...

All I see in that pictures is beauty my friend.

I read a quote the other day that reminded me of your sea glass post..."the cracks are how the light gets in" or something to that effect. It just reminded me that what appears to be weak and broken are often the very things that strengthen us as we turn to the Christ, the perfect light.

Melissa-Mc said...

You are absolutely beautiful inside and out whatever the circumstances!

Lauren in GA said...

This was a beautiful post. I love how honest and real it is. On the outside it would appear that you are having such a grand time sight seeing and spending time with the kids and Aric. You are so honest and I am sorry that you have had such heartbreak.

But you do need to get your eyes checked...because Sista' you are ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS. I do understand what it is like to pick myself apart though. I do the same when I look at photographs of myself. I know I need to stop.