Adoption 101

This post has been a long time coming. There is a whole lot I have to say on the subject of adoption so I decided to break it up instead of overwhelm you all at once.
First of all, November is National Adoption Month...oh you didn't know? Well I didn't either until adoption became part of my world. I have always been open to adoption, even before my infertility issues, I thought that if we felt prompted, we would look into it. But in my mind it was always after we had like three or four biological children.
Of course we know that our plans aren't always in sync with God's plan. Adoption became part of my world because of infertility. Being infertile sucks...my mom hates that word but there is no better word for me to describe it.  Go here to read  in more detail about my struggle.
"We are good people, we are good parents, we have a good marriage..."
"Aren't we supposed to "multiply and replenish the earth..."
"Why can a drug addicted teenage girl get pregnant and not me..."
"Maybe I can't handle more than two kids..."
These were some of the thoughts that polluted my mind during the years I struggled with infertility. There were many days that I felt like I was falling...falling into what, I'm not sure. All I know was that it was dark and I didn't like it. It was an everyday choice to not get swallowed up in the pain and frustration.
In case you might know someone who is struggling with infertility of any kind, (mine happened to be "secondary infertility"...I had my first two kids without any help but for some reason my body wouldn't make anymore) here are some helpful hints.

The DO-NOTS...

- DO NOT tell them that they need to relax.
Really....REALLY!!!!! So many people said this to me, it made me crazy!
- DO NOT tell them that as soon as they stop trying they will get pregnant.
Yes, we've all heard the stories of someone who was trying to get pregnant and then as soon as they stopped trying "voila!". Well great for them...but I didn't want to hear about it.
- DO NOT withhold your pregnancy from them.
Just because I couldn't get pregnant didn't mean I couldn't feel the joy for my loved ones who were pregnant.
- DO NOT avoid pregnancy talk.
I understood what it is like to have morning sickness, I know that in the end you feel fat, ugly and uncomfortable. I can relate, don't feel bad that you are venting...just don't complain all the time.
- DO NOT tell them "at least you were able to have two children...".
I know that this comment comes from a sweet place but it just made me feel guilty and bad for wanting another baby.
- DO NOT tell them all the tricks you used or someone else has used to get pregnant.
Here's the thing...if someone has been trying to get pregnant for more than a year, trust me they have heard every trick and tried everything.

The DO's

- DO ask them how things are going from time to time.
I so appreciated it when my friends would ask me how I was doing. Struggling with infertility for four years is a long time. It's nice to know that people haven't forgotten you are hurting.
- DO invite them to baby showers.
I won't lie, it did sting a little when I had 14 friends/family who were pregnant at one time...but I never forgot the miracle that it is to bring a baby into this world. If anything my infertility made me appreciate this even more. I hosted half a dozen showers during my infertility years and it actually brought me comfort.
- DO give them lots of unsolicited hugs.
Sometimes that is all I needed. No words needed to be said. It was just so nice to know that someone cared.
- DO pray for them, and let them know you are praying for them.
Seriously. You can NOT underestimate the power of prayer. Only Christ can take away that kind of pain and give the comfort that is needed.
-DO be sensitive, but don't treat them like they might breakdown at the sight of a stroller.
Don't get me wrong, there are days that I wanted to scream at every teenage pregnant girl I saw, but really, most days I just wanted to feel normal and do normal things.

I was so blessed to have wonderful friends and family who supported me during those difficult years. And if any of you did any of the "don'ts"....don't worry about it. I know it was coming from a loving place and I love you for it.
I am grateful that those years are behind me, but I learned so much from the long suffering.

• I became closer to Christ and truly felt his arms around me.
• I gained a strong testimony that God has a plan. His plan is the best plan, even if I don't understand, I have to trust in His wisdom.
• I learned that God does, absolutely, love me. He knows me. He knows what is best for me.
• My marriage was strengthened during those years. Even though we both had to deal with the infertility, we had two very different experiences. Aric was so loving and supportive.
• I know with out a doubt that every birth is a miracle.

My heart goes out to every woman who is going through infertility. I wish I knew then what I know now, but with out the trial I wouldn't know what I know now...does that make sense? If you know anyone struggling with infertility you can send them to my blog or give them my email. I know how it feels to have your arms ache, and your knees weary because of such a righteous desire. I have my baby now but I will never forget what it felt like to feel like your prayers were falling on deaf ears.
Now, I realize this post is titled "Adoption 101"  and I haven't hardly even talked about adoption. But what a lot of people don't understand is that  infertility was just the beginning of our adoption journey...as it is for many couples. It is where our adoption story started. I think it's impossible to truly appreciate the adoption process until you understand the agony of infertility. So there you have it, now stayed tuned for the next installment.

Apple Cider and Scones

I hope you aren't too disappointed by the title of this post. There are NO recipes here. Remember who's blog you are reading. I can decorate, throw a party, sew and paint like nobody's business... but I DON"T COOK!
So, sorry no recipe. That title is in reference to my Monday morning surprise visitor. Jessica had read my last post early that morning and decided to cheer me up with apple cider (she made from the apple harvest in her back yard and the homemade pumpkin scones she ground up the wheat to make)  just kidding it was Starbucks but I wouldn't put that other stuff past her! It's because she is having a baby any day now that I got store bought. And actually she did give me homemade choc chip cookies tonight after she watched my kids for me no less! Now you can see how I use and abuse my friends...be glad you don't live too close.
Back to subject...
Once I had enough courage to publish my last post, I couldn't believe the instant relief I felt. I realize now it's not only because I was able to release all of those feelings, but most importantly I knew that I had instant support just by putting it out there. I have been blessed with such amazing family and friends (cyber friends included) and just knowing that they know what I am going through is enough.
I am so grateful for the words of comfort and support. I can guarantee I will be reading that post again with all it's comments to help me get through a future bad day.
For now, I am out of my funk, thanks to all of my faithful readers for all of the love (I totally felt it) and here is some other good stuff that has lifted my spirit...
Eden is the VIP in her class this week so we had to make a poster.

This is what it looks like up close...

She very carefully,(almost annoyingly), picked out EVERY picture.

A few of her favorite things...cheddar cheese, cupcakes, cookies, soccer and dance.

Her three wishes...to go to art class again, to go back to Disneyland and to get her baby brother soon.

When she grows up she wants to be an artist.

Things she doesn't like...cats, broccoli and airborne.

*

Remember how I mentioned the yelling problem I have? Well in Sunday School the teacher (who has 11 grown children) mentioned that she had a problem with yelling when her kids were young. One day a good friend told her that there were no screaming mothers in the celestial kingdom. So she decided she had to pray everyday for help. So that is what I'm trying to do. I made the commitment to stop yelling about a year ago and it worked for a while but sometime this summer I lost it. So the other night when the girls were in bed, I asked them NICELY and CALMLY for 15 minutes to stop talking. They wouldn't stop. So I lovingly marched into their room, turned on the light and in two giant, loving, swoops grabbed all of their dolls and animals off their beds, turned off the light, shut the door softly and dumped the loot in the hallway... WITHOUT saying a single word.

The wailing and gnashing of teeth that immediately happened afterward was CPS worthy. There was some "She is the meanest mom ever! Why would she do this to us?..." It was hysterical. Aric went in and tried to calm them down. He reassured them that I wasn't going to give them (the toys, not the kids) away to the local shelter but maybe the next day they could talk to me about earning them back.

So far it's worked like a charm. They have earned a few back by obeying the FIRST time, which is a major issue in our house, and doing extra jobs. AND...I haven't yelled for 2 days.

*

More good stuff...

I got to hang out with my sister and Max A LOT the past few days because my brother in law took their four girls to New York for his sisters wedding. Max got so bored being with just his mom they had to get out of the house.

*

I can't post a picture of it yet, but my bathroom is almost done!  It could have been done by now, because on Saturday Aric got all motivated and said he was going to work until midnight. After the soccer was done we got straight to work. But two hours later the power went out. Aric thought I did it because I was using power tools in the garage. But when all the neighbors started coming out we realized it wasn't just us. The power didn't go back on until almost 3am. So we hung out at Ev's until bedtime, then read by candle light and in bed by 10pm. Very Little House on the Prairie like. The girls thought it was awesome!

*

Today I started getting our stuff ready for parent profiles. It's the #1 adoption website out there. It takes awhile but my goal is to have us up and running by next Monday.

*

And last but not least. Aric and I were able to go to the temple tonight and it was everything I needed. Having temple blessings in my life... that's the best stuff of all.

By the way... if you are still hungry for apple cider and a pumpkin scone go visit your local Starbucks it will hit the spot!

Broken

I am sitting here at my computer because I'm having a rather rough night and I wanted to write my dear blog friend Erin. You see Erin and I are both on this adoption path together. We were approved only days apart. We e-mail each other frequently to vent and cyber cry on each others shoulders. Tonight I wish she could have been here in person. It's been pretty tough. I only write this publicly in the hopes that someone "out there" will not feel alone as they experience some of the emotions I am feeling.
In my last post about Jessica's baby shower, I mentioned how I was put on this earth to throw parties. For the most part I am a happy person who likes to have fun and enjoy life. But there is still a part of me that isn't so upbeat, and finding a reason to celebrate is a good way for me to keep from getting down in the dumps.
The majority of my heart is full. I have so many blessings that are impossible to even count. But there is a part of my heart that is broken. It is heavy and hurting because...
I hate infertility and I want a baby
Adoption is harder than I thought it would be
Eden saw my sister, with my newborn nephew, come to our door and thought it was our birth-mom bringing us our baby
I cannot always communicate my very complex and intense feelings to my husband
My brothers have issues that cause them pain
My mother in law is battling cancer...again
I have friends who are dealing with major issues in their marriages
I have two cousins who are hurting because of GOOD choices they are making
Maya is struggling with math and even though I have taught countless other children I can't teach my own
A young women we know found herself pregnant and wanted to place the baby with LDSFS but the dad didn't want to so now she is raising her baby as a single mom
That is just my top 10...And if that wasn't enough, I have the same concerns as everyone else. When and/or will the economy ever get better? How long will my husbands job be safe? Does my husband wish I was medicated? Am I a good mom? Have I screwed up my kids because I yell at them almost everyday because after asking them like 2o times, NICELY, to pick up their stuff they don't do it!?
I plead with the Lord daily to give me the strength to carry the heaviness of my heart. I ask him to help me endure this trial. I ask him to guide my path and to give me patience. Tonight the tears just flowed as I realized that I may ask for these things, but do I really believe that He will help me. Do I really trust him?
I felt like Peter as he recognized the Savior walking on the water in the storm. He knew it was Christ and decided to walk out to him. As he started to walk he became afraid and began to sink.  Jesus came immediately and saved him and asked him why he doubted. (Matthew 14:26-31)
There have been so many times in my life that I have seen the Lord's hand guiding my path and holding me up. And yet I still have moments that I doubt his reality. Tonight He reminded me once again that he is there. He hears my prayers. I felt His arms calm my shaking sobs and bring peace to that broken part of my heart.
This post is almost too personal to share and I can guarantee it will take me at least ten, okay 20 minutes to actually push the "publish" button. I just know that we have all felt like this. It's a side of us that we don't really share and reserve only for quiet "alone" moments. But I couldn't sleep until I shared what was inside of my heart. So instead of poor Erin getting an ear full, I share it with all of you.
I have a feeling tomorrow will be better.

Holding on and letting go

T'was the night before the first day of school
and all through this home,
The children were all anxious and the mom...writing a poem,
Backpacks to label and lunch boxes to fill,
Fifty pencils to sharpen because no one else will.
Outfits to try on, find the "one" that's just right,
So in the morning we have peace instead of a  fight.
Once blessings are given and dinner all done,
It's time to get showered, brushed and blow dried...no fun!
After lots of hugs and kisses, and their prayers all said,
She tucks in her sweeties, and makes sure they're all cozy in bed.
Now the happy mom sits, alone, in her home quiet and still,
The happy mom turns sad realizing the silence that fills.
That silence, so foreign, will now become part of her days,
Some say it's great and she should have fun and go play.
But that silence represents something more, something deep,
The silence is actually a loud clock sounding...BEEP BEEP!
That clock is the time that seems to come and quickly go,
The babies that once crawled are now running...see them go!
"I'm not ready" she screams, "Where the heck is the snooze!",
The clock keeps beeping as if to taunt her "Too bad ,you lose!"
The now, weeping mom, struggles to wrap her mind around it all,
It's no use, she gives up, and lets all her tears just free fall.
She let's them all out...but wait...oh no, here comes some more,
They all need to come out before she sends her girls out the door.
By morning the girls will be ready, because it's their time to grow,
The mom tells herself she's prepared them well, so she must let them go.
There are lessons to be learned and lots of friends to be made,
Things she can't teach them, things they will need someday.
So tonight the mom prays for the strength she will need,
To send her precious ones out, oh how her heart pleads...
"Heavenly Father, keep them safe, give them courage, give them grace,
Please give them the strength for whatever they may face.
And Father, I pray, no matter what their days ahead may bring,
Don't ever let them forget who they are, and exactly what that means.
Oh Father, if I may, ask for that same courage and grace,
To get me through, at least, the next couple of days.
You see my arms are now empty, empty way too soon,
I didn't plan for this time to come so quickly, like I said "way to soon!"
Please help me hold on to the joy that each season of life brings,
Let my heart find a happy song during this season of my life, to sing."
As the mom closes her prayer she begins to hear a quiet song,
Could it really be coming from her heart? That didn't take long!
God had heard her prayer and her request he quickly answered,
She recognized the song and knew every single word!
"Be still my soul:  the Lord is on thy side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief and pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change he faithful will remain.
Be still my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end."
And that was it, the song that she needed to feel all was right,
So off she went to sleep with her little ones, and yes she had a good night.

Whoa!!!! I didn't expect that to come flowing out!  Seriously!Clearly I'm going through stuff right now...
If you are still reading, here are the pictures of our "Back to School" dinner. 

The girls picked the menu...
Grilled Steak, Garlic Parm Asparagus, Cooked Carrots, Crescent Rolls (courtesy of Pillsbury) with Cherry 7-UP to drink.

Be still my soul...

It's so hard to say good-bye...

Dear Craft/Sewing Room,

We really had some good times. All of the costumes, the mending, the altering, the quilt finishing and the hemming. Not to mention the little projects like hot gluing, floral arranging, gift wrapping etc... Remember the day I brought home my new sewing machine that I ordered from HSN! That was an awesome day. Those were some great memories, I'm so glad I got to share them with you.

I want you to know that for the time that I had you up until now, you were a dream come true. I never thought I would have my own special room, just for me and my hobbies. But, alas, it's time to move on. I want you to know that you did nothing wrong. You were there for me for every project. Especially those ones that went on forever, you know those ones that kept us up until all hours of the night because my perfectionism would kick in. You would listen to my music for hours and hours and listen to me sing along. I appreciate how you never complained about how messy I left you or gave me a guilt trip when you hadn't seen me for awhile. You totally accepted me for me. I will treasure your memory always, but it's time to let you go.

You see it's time for me to get ready for a baby. He will be joining our family someday hopefully in the near future. And you know how I am about being prepared and organized so I have to get ready now. I know you will love your new look as a nursery. I went to great lengths to find just the right bedding and colors.

I hope you will enjoy your new life as the designated home for our precious little one. I know you will miss the old music but the new stuff is soft and sweet, I know it will grow on you. I know you will feel empty for awhile, but just wait, you will be full of the greatest noises ever known, a baby cooing and yes some crying from time to time, but his giggles will make you all warm and fuzzy. The smell might get kinda nasty but I will do my best to keep a fresh wall flower going and I am really good at getting those stinky diapers out of the house right away.

Here are some pictures to remember you by...

That was then...

This is now.

Remember when I organized all those bins!

And I know how hard it will be to not share the same space with the beloved "Leg Lamp". Don't worry she found a new home in the theater room.

That empty closet will soon be full of baby clothes!

See how darling you are all up close and personal!

So I hope you enjoy this new season of your life. I will miss you, maybe someday our paths will cross again...like in twenty years.

With Much Love,

Jessica

Lemonade Update!!!!

Back in January, Aric and I had the spirit witness to us that it was time to adopt a baby through LDS Family Services. Little did we know what would be in store for us. After our initial meeting with our caseworker we were feeling pretty low. We had no idea what a long tedious process this was going to be. After sulking for a day or so I decided that this was my job. Everyday I would get up and go to work on the paperwork, make phone calls and schedule the needed appointments. So on any given day I was filling out background checks, searching for birth and marriage cerificates, scheduling doctor appointments (we all needed to get physicals), getting stuff notorized, finding our tax form, getting fingerprinted, filling out hours worth of very personal qestionaires, building websites and scheduling interviews and home visits.


I would find myself totally neglecting the house and my family. I would stay up late working on this stuff and would be so dead tired the next day, I could barely get Maya off to school. After awhile I decided that it was no different than my first trimester when I was pregnant with my girls. So I just tried to remember that all these headaches and frustrations of getting approved was my morning sickness and insomnia....first trimester issues.

Well fast forward four months later and here we are, finally APPROVED!!!!!!

(I'm holding the approval letter in this picture of us jumping for joy)

Our caseworker has really worked hard for us and I know it's because he has felt the spirit too. I seemed to be calling him, emailing him or stopping in his office on a regular basis, so maybe he just wanted me off his back, in any case, he made it happen. I would hand deliver any form he needed because I didn't want to waste even a day sending it by mail. I still can't believe it. It is still sinking in. We are actually going to have a baby! I don't know when, sometime in the next year we hope. But after three years of trying and dealing with all the heartache that goes along with it, I can handle sitting around waiting for a phone call. And let's face it, I won't be sitting around at all. I've got a nursery to decorate!!!!! WHOOO HOOO!!!!!!


So if you would like to check our profiles out, we have two of them, you can go to http://www.aricandjessica.weebly.com/ or go to http://www.ldsfamilyservices.com/ look under AricAndJessica E50. The LDS website will hopefully have our profile updated tomorrow. Please be sure to pass on the info, especially if you happen to know a baby in need of a fabulous family.


THANK YOU for all of your love and support. I know the journey is far from over but at least we are finally in the game! I know there are some of you out there who are dealing with the infertility and adoption rollercoaster, I am so touched by your courage and strength. Your courage and strength has helped me get this far in our journey and I know I will continue to lean on it during my times of discouragement. And a special SHOUT OUT to the rest of you incredible people that I call family and friends. Your love and support has sustained us this far and we are grateful for all of your prayers. I have felt those prayers lift me, carry me and push me. I am truly humbled by the people that the Lord has put in my life.

Lemons and Lemonade

So life has handed me a few lemons. Those of you who know me well know that I've been making "lemonade" since I was a kid. Luckily I've been surrounded by women in my life who have good recipes for lemonade because they have made a few batches themselves. So I'm here to discuss my most recent and unusually sour lemon.

Who would've thought coming from a woman who had five children with no problems that I would have to deal with infertility. On my mom's side I have two tios and two tias. On my dad's side I have seven uncles and one aunt, and my only sister is pregnant with her fifth. Yes, her fifth.

When we were married only five months I got pregnant. We were shocked to say the least. I assumed that I was as fertile as can be, so we were very surprised when it took us a year and a half to get pregnant the second time. Realizing things were difficult the second time we were prepared for it to take awhile the third time around. Well we are three years into the third time around. Aric has endured "The Test" and I have gone through exams, blood tests, hormone tests and surgery. Just to be told that we have "unexplained infertility". I am a "mystery" as my doctor put it. So here we are.

Any of you who have experienced the pain and frustration of infertility know where I am coming from. I am a member of the "Infertile Mertyl Club". My Tia Ines (my mom's sister) was the first person I knew to ever experience infertility. I was a teenager and didn't have a clue as to what she was going through. For one I was totally self absorbed, as most teenagers are, and second I just didn't realize that there was such a thing as infertility. So to my Tia Ines...we finally have something in common. I'm so sorry you had to go through this and I realize what a gift Manuel is to our family considering what it took to bring him into this world. And to my Tio Marco and his wife Dani, you have handled your infertility with such faith, you have been a great example to me. I am so grateful for the other members of this club and wish I had more members around who I could talk to.

Having two children without any "help" truly was a gift. My heart goes out to those women who have had this trial/lemon and never got to experience carrying a child. I will always be grateful that I got to experience pregnancy and birth.

At the moment I have seven dear friends who are at various stages of their pregnancies (including my sister). I am so happy for them. My lemon in no way takes away my excitement or joy for them. I would be lying if I said it didn't sting a little bit to watch their bellies grow. But I realize that just as it is Heavenly Father's plan for each of them to have their babies right now, it is His plan that I am not supposed to have a baby right now. At least the "normal" way.

So this is for my dear, sweet pregnant ladies:

If I knew that Edee would have been my last pregancy,

I would have...

...Been just as excited the day the double line showed up on the stick.

...Not cursed my morning sickness. I would have embraced that first trimester, nausea and all.

...Not wished for the day I fit into my maternity clothes so everyone would know I was pregs and not just getting chubby.
...Been just as excited about the first time I felt the baby move.
...Paid more attention to everytime the baby moved and taken the time to really enjoy what it felt like.
...Appreciated my pregnant body, swollen ankles and all, recognizing the gift that it was just to be pregnant.
...Taken more pictures of my pregnancy instead of hiding behind the camera.
...Tried not to be so anxious for my pregnancy to end. I would have tried to enjoy it more.
...Been just as thrilled as I was when she came out.
...Cried just as hard.
...Held her and smelled her even longer.
...Still stayed up all night looking at her even though I was exhausted from the labor and delivery.

Now, this doesn't mean you can't complain about how uncomfortable you are. I remember just how awful it feels to carry an extra 40+ pounds and feel so tired all the time. I remember having heart burn and thinking my skin is going to pop, after all it can only stretch so much! I just hope that you will savor your pregnancies and maybe in the midst of the nausea and back pain, you will be able to find a happy place remembering the gift that is yours to be pregnant carrying your precious little one.

As for me and my lemon...it's time for me to make some lemonade! Aric and I have decided to adopt a baby through LDS social services. We are almost done with all of the RIDICULOUS paper work, we will be getting finger printed tomorrow and turning in the last of our paper work this week. The Lord has definitely been there for us and we have felt Him guide us to this decision. We appreciate the love and support from our family and friends. Many of you have been along for this painful ride and you have been a huge strength to us. We realize we still have a journey ahead of us and so far it has not been easy but we look forward to sharing our lemonade once this is all said and done.