My husband is in bed in excruciating pain because he is passing two kidney stones, my baby is crying because he is hungry and there are no bottles made or even clean for that matter and my other two kiddos are fighting and in need of a referee.
I stand there, still in my pajamas (it's 2pm), still not showered, and think someone has got to take care of these people. I haven't slept but only eight hours in the past three days. The crying, the moaning, the yelling and I keep trying to figure out who is going to fix this train wreck that is happening in my house. After standing there for about a full minute I realize...I am the mom. I am supposed to take care of this. There is no one who is going to fly through that door and rescue me. I am the mom, I am the only one who can fix this.
So I check on my poor, poor husband and make sure we don't need to call another ambulance...two visits to the ER in one week is about all I can take. Then I tend to my starving baby at the same time I send my children to separate rooms to deal with after the baby is fed.
That, my friends, is a little window into my world. The past week has been so brutal I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Christmas night Aric started passing his first kidney stone. The ordeal started at around 11:30pm and ended at 6:30am-ish. We thought the worst was over, but realized only a couple days later that it had only just begun. Four days later around 9pm we were calling 911. It took four EMT's to get Aric to a place that we could even consider moving him and taking him to the hospital.
Seriously now I know what husbands go through while watching their wives go through labor and delivery. Only instead of the end result being a beautiful new baby you get this...
Once again...friends and family to the rescue. (Thank you Mom, Joe, Ev, the Hansen's, the Nebeker's, the Romney's, the Yost's and the Jensen's) We have been the most needy friends lately. I totally feel like the ward service project. The drama around here doesn't seem to have an end.
Speaking of drama. We are still fighting with the adoption agency. They are trying to make us pay $8,000 worth of fees for things that they did not do. It is such a nightmare. I thought when the day came that we finally got the call that we would be able to have this wonderful homecoming where we would just bask in the spirit of the miracle. Instead my days have been filled with phone calls and faxes to attorneys. The stress of which has brought me to my knees many times each day.
Once again I am so grateful for prayer and for my faith. I know this is still in God's hands and he didn't bring us this far just to abandon us at this crucial time. I just don't understand how people can take something so beautiful and so sacred and turn it into ugliness full of greed and dishonesty. I'm trying not to let the anger consume me. When I start feeling my blood begin to boil, I just hold Camden and he calms me and reminds me that this is all going to be worth it when the papers are signed and he is sealed to us forever.
Please continue keeping us in your prayers. We still have a long road ahead of us...resolving this financial stuff with the agency, visits from social workers, and everything else that finalization entails. It is more than I could have ever imagined. Some days I wonder if I really can do all that is required of me...especially with such little sleep! But then I remember...I am the mom, and I will go to the ends of the earth and fight with my last breath to keep my family together, to keep my family safe and sound.
Thankfully I am surrounded by many of you wonderful mom's who are fighting the good fight along side me. Your battles may be different from mine but we are on the same team and I draw strength from your examples and wisdom. So when you find yourself having an "I am the mom" moment, just remember you are not alone.