Friday, January 2, 2009

"I am the mom."

Okay, so how many of you have had an "I am the mom moment"? I have had quite a few over the past eight years, but none could match this moment...
My husband is in bed in excruciating pain because he is passing two kidney stones, my baby is crying because he is hungry and there are no bottles made or even clean for that matter and my other two kiddos are fighting and in need of a referee.
I stand there, still in my pajamas (it's 2pm), still not showered, and think someone has got to take care of these people. I haven't slept but only eight hours in the past three days. The crying, the moaning, the yelling and I keep trying to figure out who is going to fix this train wreck that is happening in my house.  After standing there for about a full minute I realize...I am the mom. I am supposed to take care of this. There is no one who is going to fly through that door and rescue me. I am the mom, I am the only one who can fix this.
So I check on my poor, poor husband and make sure we don't need to call another ambulance...two visits to the ER in one week is about all I can take. Then I tend to my starving baby at the same time I send my children to separate rooms to deal with after the baby is fed.
That, my friends, is a little window into my world. The past week has been so brutal I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Christmas night Aric started passing his first kidney stone. The ordeal started at around 11:30pm and ended at 6:30am-ish. We thought the worst was over, but realized only a couple days later that it had only just begun. Four days later around 9pm we were calling 911. It took four EMT's to get Aric to a place that we could even consider moving him and taking him to the hospital.
Seriously now I know what husbands go through while watching their wives go through labor and delivery. Only instead of the end result being a beautiful new baby you get this...

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Kidney Stones

Once again...friends and family to the rescue. (Thank you Mom, Joe, Ev, the Hansen's, the Nebeker's, the Romney's, the Yost's and the Jensen's) We have been the most needy friends lately. I totally feel like the ward service project. The drama around here doesn't seem to have an end.
Speaking of drama. We are still fighting with the adoption agency. They are trying to make us pay $8,000 worth of fees for things that they did not do. It is such a nightmare. I thought when the day came that we finally got the call that we would be able to have this wonderful homecoming where we would just bask in the spirit of the miracle. Instead my days have been filled with phone calls and faxes to attorneys. The stress of which has brought me to my knees many times each day.
Once again I am so grateful for prayer and for my faith. I know this is still in God's hands and he didn't bring us this far just to abandon us at this crucial time. I just don't understand how people can take something so beautiful and so sacred and turn it into ugliness full of greed and dishonesty. I'm trying not to let the anger consume me. When I start feeling my blood begin to boil, I just hold Camden and he calms me and reminds me that this is all going to be worth it when the papers are signed and he is sealed to us forever. 
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Please continue keeping us in your prayers. We still have a long road ahead of us...resolving this financial stuff with the agency, visits from social workers, and everything else that finalization entails. It is more than I could have ever imagined. Some days I wonder if I really can do all that is required of me...especially with such little sleep! But then I remember...I am the mom, and I will go to the ends of the earth and fight with my last breath to keep my family together, to keep my family safe and sound.
Thankfully I am surrounded by many of you wonderful mom's who are fighting the good fight along side me. Your battles may be different from mine but we are on the same team and I draw strength from your examples and wisdom. So when you find yourself having an "I am the mom" moment, just remember you are not alone.

24 comments:

Randi said...

Oh my darling, Jessica. Once again I ache to be in Liberty Lake to be a helping hand. Reading your blog is the best and worst form of birth control. Your posts make me so excited to start my own family and then so thankful it is still just me and Chris :)

I love you and you are in my prayers.

Mrs Ana said...

The stones look so small! Oh well, I'm glad Aric got through it and felt good enough to hack into my facebook account! I really do think it's funny. By the way, Camden looks adorable!!! It will all come to an end you just need to be prepared when it does. You'll look back and see the Lord's hand and grow in faith. You'll go on to help someone else who will go through the same experience.

Leah said...

To answer your question, Sarah is at the Academy of Dance on Sprague behind Walker's Furniture.

That was such a beautiful post. I love that you said we are all on the same team as moms. That is such a beautiful statement.

I am so sorry you had one of the worst weeks ever. It's weeks like these that make us appreciate anything and everything else. I hope the adoption agency will chill out and that your hubby heals soon.

Elena said...

My dear Jessica. I so wish I was there to help. We pray for you every night and we will be fasting for you this Sunday. I'll get the others on board to do the same. Tell those muchachitas they have to behave themselves, or there wont be a special treat/surprise for them from us. Did you get the email I sent you? I love you with all my heart.

Jean McKendrick said...

Wow Jessica, what a touching entry. I am sorry your week has been one of those you never wish to repeat again in your life. You are a wonderful mom and wife. I love that you share the "real" experiences of your life, it helps all your friends/family draw strength from you even though I am sure you don't feel that way at the moment. You have a beautiful family and they are blessed to have you in their lives.

just the five of us said...

Jessica, you are so strong spiritually and mentally!I am sure you will have more mom moments, you are such a fantastic mom! Did you guys adopt through LDS social services? Camden is so adorable!

Erin said...

What a week! I was wondering how things were going...worrying. :)

You are so strong and so amazing. You are so right in knowing that the Lord would not abandon you at this crucial time. In him all things are possible. We'll keep you all in our thoughts and prayers. :)

day in the life of a prince said...

I'm sure you are tired of hearing it, but hang in their and things are going to work out!

calibosmom said...

I'm a little teary after reading that. First, poor Aric...I think I'd rather go through labor than pass stones. I've never even met you and yet I feel like we've been friends for years...I know what you are capable of...you are amazing and you can do it!!! Faith and family can carry you through anything!

Jenny Erazo said...

Jess....you are such a wonderful person. I have only seen you with your family on your blog but I know that you are AMAZING mom and wife with a ton of faith! Thanks for sharing and when I have my next "I'm the mom" moment it will help to remember that we are all on the same team. Love Ya!!!

Ilene said...

You are not just the mom. You are THE MOM. Truly, you are amazing.

Good luck with all the drama; especially with that stinking agency. I get so upset just thinking about it; I can't even imagine your family's pain and trauma.

Kiss those cheeks and those adorable long toes for me! I can't look at Laura's feet without thinking of Camden's.

♥Shally said...

I am so sorry. It is times like those when I want to cry for my own Mommy!!

You are doing great. Showers are for sissys, right? ;)

It angers me so much that adoption has to be such a struggle when there are willing families and needy children. Hopefully someday more agencies will do it for the right reasons, and not for the money.

I hope that things settle down for you...

Becky said...

It does seem to pour when it rains! I can't believe after all that you still found tie to blog about it. We keep praying for you all! We just were in Charleston for 3 days...reminded me of you all! My motto on some of those days are "just keep swimming'--Doree on Finding Nemo

Melissa-Mc said...

You've certainly got a lot on your plate! New baby/adoption issues/sick husband are all HUGE all on their own. I will keep you in my prayers. Soon you will look back on these days and think "I did that!"

Penny said...

Wow, what a ton to go through in such a short amount of time. If you need anything I really hope that you would call me. We are praying for your family and hope that more boring days are in the near future.

I had to laugh when I saw the picture of the ACTUAL stones. Only in the blog world could a husband pass a stone, and it be on the internet in such a short time. You will love to read about all this in the years to come.

We love you guys, PLEASE let me know what I can do to help!!

Lindsey said...

Jess-you were my first commenter! Now, you are supposed to post it on your blog :) I have your address, so, you can look out for a special little something from me. :)

Natalie said...

Jessica, I wish that I could help you in some little way. How about a little prayer? I can do that and so i will. I'm sorry for Aric. Hopefully, the worst of that is over. Hopefully the worst of it ALL is over. Lucky for Aric, Eden, Maya, and Camden...you ARE the mom. And a very amazing one at that.

P.S. On a lighter note, Lindsey is sending you a little ray of sunshine:). That will give you a little something to look forward to, right?:)

Alison said...

Oh, gosh! I just hate those kind of weeks. It has been a bit CRAZY around here, too but not to that extent. But, I do know kidney stones (had a few myself) and I do know the craziness of adoption. The only one I didn't fully appreciate was "two kids fighting." But give me 8 more weeks and I am sure I will. I hope things starting going better. If you need a listening ear, just call or email :)

Mahina said...

oh jessica, you are amazing and are surrounded by amazing friends and family! that little boy of yours is just getting cuter everyday! hang in there, it is all worth it in the end.

i always gain strength from your strength! thank you!

Lauren in GA said...

I am so sorry that it is so hard...that is so much to handle! You are doing a great job...this post was so true...being the Mom means sometimes we are the ones that have to hold it all together.

Camden is so gorgeous. I am glad he is able to calm you and I am so sorry about that stinkin' agency!

Lindsay said...

I heard about the kidney stones! I am sooooooo sorry for him(and you!). My uncle was hunting with a guy and they were 5 miles from the truck when the other guy got a kidney stone. By the time they were halfway back to the truck the guy was begging my uncle to shoot and kill him....Aric, you have my complete condolences...I'm so sorry! Hang in there both of you, you have such a good attitude about everything. Someday all of this will be a blip in your memory and you will be able to laugh at all the misery...right? (I will pray for that time to come quick) Love to you both!

Bridget said...

Wow! What a horrible start to a new year. I am so sorry to hear. My husband had kidney stones before so I know what you are talking about. Although Aric's case sounds far, far worse. I hope you get things resolved with the adoption agency soon.What a pain!

You're in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there.

Jen Murphy said...

DUDE! What a whopping week! I'm sedning you all of my good vibes.

I'm feeling the pain! Take it easy...we're praying for ya!

Camden is adorable! He's sooooo lucky to have you as his MOM! Hang in there......I have a sink full of dirty bottles too! AHHHH! The life of babies and sick hubbies and fighting kids.....is this heaven or what;) I feel so bonded to you (minus the kidney stone husband).

I got your adorable xmas card! Mine still aren't done but hopefully before freakin' Valentines Day!!!!!

Love ya, Jess!

Leah and Mike said...

I am so sorry for all the hassle!! What a pain!! But like you said, look at what a cute and sweet baby you have from all of this chaos. We will definitely keep you in our prayers!